DENVER BRONCOS WEEK 13/14: Peyton Manning the Talented Cracker (Sci-Fi Version)

Scorched earth in Kansas City at the top of the week. Not that the Denver Broncos have reached juggernaut status yet. The Chiefs are just that bad, and by playing a bad game, the outcome hung nowhere near a balance. It was a Death Star game from the jump: you forced your neighborhood Midwestern friends to come over, they saw what Denver was going to do, vainly but passionately protested as reality held them back like Darth Vader, then Coach Pincers did his best Grand Moff Tarkin and with a short sequence of orders destroyed their world as if it was Alderaan. Aside from a Payton Hillis appearance where he singlehandedly chewed up six minutes of clock, the best thing that could be said about the win is that Denver annihilated KC by a wider margin than the San Diego Bluehairs did a week prior. The victory also brought a very special, very tenuous, and very fleeting word to the forefront: the playoffs.

Grand Moff Tarkin: "You would prefer another target, a military target? Then name the system! I grow tired of asking this so it will be the last time: WHERE is the rebel base?"

Oh what a slippery delicate bastard, those playoffs. Like holding up a pig brown trout for a snapshot. We love em. The playoffs are a blast regardless of Denver outcome or presence. As slack jawed as we were in 2005, going Looney Toons on the situation, our jaws drooping to the deck over the course of four quarters as Jake Plummer contritely wandered over to the Pittsburgh sideline and handed them Denver’s best Super Bowl shot of the decade like it was a diplomatic gesture of kindness. So unfortunate in 2006 when a concussed Jay Cutler and indifferent racquetball-fantasizing Plummer couldn’t get it done at home on New Years Eve. Confused in 2007 when it was all such an epic cluster of blunder and misidentity from the day Shanny yelled Toro! Toro! in Buffalo. Then the pièce de résistance in 2008, when the most reviled man this side of Maslow’s Pyramid, Phyllis freaking Rivers and his Chargers collectively bored a holed into Denver’s collective skull on national television in Week 17 … all we needed was Michael Ironside from Starship Troopers to personally wandered amongst the carcass ridden aftermath and muttered to his platoon: “They sucked their brains out.”

It’s been tragic playoff existence this decade. Denver is THIS CLOSE to being featured on The Simpsons again: floundering and tripping over their animated selves as Homer rues his windfall. (It would be Family Guy these days.) With an 8-4 record and a final 10-6 record looking like baby food, we are reluctant to take a turn to Negative Town but … if these Pincer-led Broncos yardsale steps from the finish line again … well, they could be on Houston Status (formerly Buffalo Status … which was formerly Denver Status … which was formerly Minnesota Status).

But we’d rather light a candle then curse your darkness. That bastard schedule has clearly loosened up and 10 wins looks like a dunk shot. It’s best to explain Denver’s current positioning with a song set to motion pictures of a bunch of goobers from that awkward and obscure culture-gap between the 70’s and 80’s:

* Awful W13/14 column admission: Denver Post writer Jim Armstrong inspired the whole “Drivers Seat” thing with his Monday postgame column. Jim Armstrong, people.

Which brings us to the teeth of the last quarter of the season: Week 14 and the Indianapolis Colts. The “Other Horse Team” led by a man who has mastered the sport of football. It’s easy for Peyton Manning, especially when he flicks his wrist and belts out audibles against the Broncos. It all appears so very basic for ole number 18. Dressed in white, like Colonel Sanders, this uber white man takes the field and starts making southern fried chicken. Eleven secret herbs and spices with which to bum you out. Such a master, such an annoying cracker.

Indianapolis Colts quarterback Payton Manning reflects on his life and times

Not much could be said analysis-wise that hasn’t been said already. Gotta run. Gotta defend the pass. But a look at how Pincers approaches his weekly matchups might elicit a couple cues to the outcome. We all the know the “What makes Bill Belichick so good?” cliché answer: he supposedly eliminates a strength and creates the advantageous matchup. He surveys his opposition’s personnel, finds the weak one, then culls them from the play via scheme. One can be sure this is also true of Pincers. To quote him from Monday’s presser:

“It’s week by week, I think. Our identity, I am not big on saying what our identity is, but we try to do whatever we think is in the best interest of beating the opponent we have on the schedule this week, which changes quite a lot. A few weeks ago, it was more four-wide receiver (sets), and yesterday, it was none of that. It might be a bunch of blitzing one week and not much the next week depending on who you’re playing and what you think you have to do to beat them or what you think you can be successful with. That goes back to the players being able to handle those adjustments. Sometimes the swing is huge from one week to the next. Sometimes it’s not. We just try to put them in a good position to be successful and hope that we can execute our plan against whoever we play.”

Just like in The Matrix saga when the billions of Octopus-type machines probe Zion’s defenses for weakness deep beneath the Earth’s surface, so does one team to another in football. Here’s where we feel two weak spots will be on Sunday:

• Denver’s right tackle Tyler Polumbus. Sheesh, a Creek kid. Nah, nah, just a joke from one Southern ‘Burb kid to another, totally irrelevant. What’s relevant is his level of pro experience versus a guy this week who has a ton: 6’ 2” 245-pound Robert Mathis and his 9.5 sacks. We’ve heard all week about the success of he and Dwight Freeney in 09. Best believe defensive coordinator Larry Coyer will be sending Mathis hard against Polumbus. He will be trying to confuse him, as well, with looks and numbers. Hopefully Polumbus can look to his right and see a tight end most of the day. The 6’ 8” 300 pounder got semi schooled against Pittsburgh five weeks ago but has settled in since. If Coyer probes and finds entrée against Polumbus, it could be very disruptive. (Because as good as Freeney is, Coyer is going to find Denver’s left edge shored up nicely by Ryan Clady.) If Polumbus can hold his edge, both in the pass rush and running game, perhaps Coyer will try to disrupt through the middle with his linebackers. Coyer runs freaky stunts. Very creative much like Denver’s Mike Nolan. But Coyer doesn’t have the same level of talent and size at linebacker that Nolan does. This rationale seems to further draw Coyer’s eye to Polumbus. Good luck, big fella. Us Denver ‘burb kids will be pulling for you
• Indianapolis’ guards Ryan Litja and Kyle DeVan. Indy has not seen a Defense like Denver’s this year: heavy dose of run stopping, blitzing, good-sized, athletic linebackers. Specifically, we feel middle pressure can get to Manning through the guards. Center Jeff Saturday is quite capable but he cannot save both guards on the same play. Denver backers Andra Davis and DJ Williams should find entrée to Indy’s backfield. Furthermore, if they establish entrée, they could open up the edge to Mario Haggan, Elvis Dumervil, and Robert Ayers. We’re not sure if pressure can BEGIN on the edge with Indy tackles Charlie Johnson and Gijon Robinson keeping 18 predominantly upright through 13 weeks. No matter how many talented 30-somethings are doing their job in the Denver secondary, if 18 has time it will be a clinic.

Jean Rasczak: "I need a corporal. You're it, until you're dead or I find someone better."

Now at the bottom of the week, we are a bit late with the latest posting. Odd because it’s such a huge week. It’s Saturday night and game time is less than 24 hours away. Without question, this is the game of the year. Not so much in terms of importance, but entertainment and litmus. If Denver can avoid a blowout, it should be an awesome game to watch. If Denver can avoid a blowout, it will say a lot about how they matchup against elite teams. There is also an interesting side note to this game: how it will affect a potential second game at Lucas Oil Stadium in the playoffs. We all know that’s where things begin and end in the AFC playoffs this year. Statistics tell us it’s much more likely that teams will split two games over the course of a season rather than one team sweeping. If that’s true, a Denver loss could actually be interpreted as a positive. Furthermore, we think this team plays better from behind. The four games after the bye week (specifically, the San Diego slap) speak to that. This team just isn’t elite enough to forsake its emotions and intangibles on game day. We feel the underdog status heightens those emotions and intangibles.

But all this hemming and hawing obfuscates the real point here: Denver could win. They compare well and Indy is ripe for the home upset. But what’s most likely going to happen is abuse at the hands of one crawfish-fed Peyton Manning.

He’s going to destroy Denver tomorrow.

Like he always does.

While for the most part very entertaining, The Matrix trilogy’s plot tied itself in knots and, in the end, made absolutely no sense